We need to talk…
[an excerpt from Forgive by Tim Keller]
How do you know if you have a relationship that needs reconciliation? Here are seven signs, each more serious than the one before, by which this dynamic begins to work on the heart and cool your relationships.
You roll your eyes and think: “You idiot. What a mess you are.”
When you do this and there is no sadness or sympathy, but instead disdain or sneering, that is the beginning of a relationship going bad, the beginning of your heart getting haughty and hard. You are calling them “raca” or “fool” in your heart.You hear about the person having a problem, and it’s very satisfying.
You realize you have tied your happiness to their unhappiness — this is not a good sign!You start to find most things they do irritating.
You realize that something that person did is irritating or infuriating, but you would overlook it if someone else did it.You start to feel awkward in the relationship.
The awkwardness might come from just one side or both sides. Awkwardness is a sense of unease when around each other.You start avoiding the person.
This can mean avoiding places you know they will be or, when in the same place, taking pains to not have to meet or talk.You get a chance to pass along negative information about the person, and enjoy it.
You are hardly speaking to each other, and there is a lot of very obvious friction that others can see.
If you’re noticing these signs in a relationship, resist the urge to let it continue to drift into icy disdain. Seek reconciliation with your actions, and trust that by God’s grace your feelings will follow suit.
